Heaven’s Gates Shut: Dreams Have Purpose
In Heaven, there is pure ecstasy without any confusing aftereffects.
My soul is free from earthly limitations, immersed in an energetic frequency that creates waves and splashes of light.
I experience blissful unity with the ethereal orbs and the illuminating presence of God.
Like a child, I am so at peace & content with a pure joy, feeling perfect and completely whole, gifted with a profound knowingness of what it means to be Holy, outside of religious dogmas, just the purity of wholeness, the raw unbrokeness of completeness, there is nothing better.
I then paused:
Wait! Why am I finding myself feeling trapped & suffocated?
Beings, costumed in purity, a clown dressed in white, the Heavens that I enjoyed were but hallucinations born from the darkness, wrapped in the illumination of my own brain matter.
Terror overcomes me.
I see me. Oh God ~ I am putrid.
I am but the inferior imitation that veils myself from the genuine Life Force…
I manipulated myself into idolization, self worship, an everlasting luster & feigned splendor, something I know at this moment that I will never taste again.
If I’m honest, I never tasted it, as I was delusional.
I am ensnared by the smooth stem of a beautiful rose, a plain boring old rose…
Am I being punished because I ‘lost the moment’, is it because, ‘I neglected smelling it’s beauty’, & ‘I forgot to stop & go slow?’
I’m an ungrateful b1tch.
Why God, Why did I do such a careless thing?
The Earth has come alive by your Will, the rose that I abandoned is the archetypal metaphor representing the truth: I stopped admiring and Glorifying You.
And You, like the rose, did not ignore me- as the rose’s thorns slice my chakras, wrapped tightly around my throat, communications were never flowing to start.
I regret that I avoided taking down the communication barrier, acting as if it would go away on its own, I knew better, but I see now that nothing ever goes away, especially barriers.
I’m so sorry!!!
As I feel my warm blood & the silent tearing sound that the rose makes while her thorns drag into my ripping neck skin.
Now I know that this will end, it’s not forever, & I will regret every thought I have and have ever had…
I Am Accountable…
… knowing good from Evil…
… knowing right from wrong…
…possessing discernment from the Holy Spirit.
My God, I trampled You, as if it were my own pearls, forsaken, I am but swine.
As I awaken, I am greeted by the sight of my own life force draining.
The agony of regret permeates my very soul.
Desperate, I reach out for His hand, the One Who loves me, but He is nowhere to be found.
I am lost, and it feels too late to find my way back.
The demons seem to be everywhere, their shapes swirling around me, feeling them enter, in and out… Spiritual Rape… as I slowly decay & fade away into my shame.
It seems impossible to escape them, for now I know: they were never external forces but projections of my psyche’s beliefs, copy & pasting the TV programs into my imagination.
The demons reside within us all, including myself, and I am forced to accept that I will be in their company, indefinitely.
How did I never realize this before?
How could I have been so blind?
This eternal torment repeats endlessly, and with a heavy heart… I offer… my thanks…
What? … Why? ...
I thank God for waking me up every time I have the same recurring dream.
This dream reminds me of my Salvation.
Over the years, these nightmares have allowed me to experience the profound contrast, magnifying love that I wouldn’t have Known, otherwise.
Every time I wake up, I am filled with gratitude & cry out to God in Love for granting this intense emotional journey for me & I praise His Grace for saving me, loving me & reminding me…
I am His.
